the state of things

 

Friday 9th October 2009

by Douglas Lindsay - 15:03 on 09 October 2009

An exciting day, marked by going on-line to buy a TV aerial cable. Couldn't get one long enough in the local hardware shop. You can probably shop around for TV aerial cables, there are probably TV aerial specific websites; but working on the basis that Amazon sells more or less everything, I went there. Sure enough, there were TV aerial cables, and I bought one.

 

Bizarrely, some of the TV aerial cables had been reviewed by customers. People had taken the time to review a TV aerial cable. And unsurprisingly, the reviews went along the lines of, I got a good picture and It fitted into the back of my TV like it had been built for it.

 

Have you ever, ever, watched the TV, thought wow, cracking picture, and then said, I'm loving that aerial cable....? Did you then high-five the rest of your family, saying things like this aerial cable rocks and good call on the aerial cable, dude? And then, further to that, did you think, I know, I'm going to cement my thoughts on this exceptional aerial cable, and go and write a review of this cable on Amazon. Others should know just how good this cable is?

 

The internet... It allows people to review aerial cables, and it allows me to write this.

 

On Radio 4 yesterday morning they interviewed a group of prospective Tory candidates at the conference; the interviewer just asked a series of quick-fire questions, to receive instant answers. What newspaper do you read, what do you think of the Lisbon Treaty, what's your favourite brand of aerial cable? They all answered breathlessly, quite happy to have their moment in the sun of national quality radio. In fact, there wasn't a pause until the guy asked his final question: Do you believe in God?

 

Sharp intakes of breath all round.

 

Down the radio there came the silent agonising sound of five wannabe Tory MPs peeing their pyjamas. A few seconds' silence, and then they all, to a man and woman, wove a web of lies and deceit.

 

Who knows what a prospective MP honestly saying that he believes in God sounds like, but it wasn't this. They all said they did of course, and the sound of their fibbing echoed clearly down the radio. Lying before they even get elected. Government ministers in the making, one and all.

 

You may lose the odd vote by saying you don't believe in God; but hopefully you lose a lot more, by opening yourself up to cries of liar, liar pants on fire...


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