the state of things


The Next Big Thing

by Douglas Lindsay - 11:04 on 03 August 2010

The summer progressing nicely as it is - August following on from July with Germanic precision - it's time to start planning next spring's Long Midnight Publishing team-building event. For 2011 I've decided to go for a day-trip to the summit of Everest.

Every year several thousand people reach the summit of Everest - for a few days in mid-May the slopes of the mountain resemble St Peter's Square at Easter - and every year there are new records set. The youngest person, the oldest person, the first person to reach the top wearing flippers etc. To be a regular person climbing Everest - the one not setting a new record - seems rather mundane these days. So, here at Long Midnight Publishing Central I've decided to go for a slew of record-breaking.

First up there will be the Fattest Person to Climb Everest. The record is not currently recorded. I'm also not currently particularly fat, but having reached the age where every doughnut and fish supper goes straight to my waist, this shouldn't be a problem. The principal concern with this kind of record, however, is that the following year some even fatter bloke makes the summit, and suddenly you're cast out the record books, like God casting the angel Lucifer out of the Long Room in Heaven.

So, as a back-up I'm also going to go for the record of First Person To Climb Everest While Carrying Kylie Minogue On His Shoulders. Others may do it in the future, but I'll always be the first. This method also has the advantage of being able to use Kylie Minogue for back-up oxygen reserves.

And then there's First Person To Climb Everest In Shorts And A T-Shirt.

It will be a triple-whammy of record-breaking endeavour.

To Greggs to start training.

Comment from Marilyn at 01:07 on 05 August 2010.
NO! don't do it!

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