the state of things

 

Elvis Shackleton Over Coffee

by LMP Desk Reporter, Eldon Crayfish - 10:52 on 11 November 2010

After a couple of months of frenetic activity as Long Midnight Publishing went digital, beat reporter Eldon Crayfish talks to LMP Head of Marketing and Ebook Strategies Elvis 'Tom' Shackleton about whether he feels this initial period has been successful and what the future now holds for this dynamic independent publishing company.


Crayfish: Straight off the bat, if you had to grade the company performance in the digital publishing sphere so far, out of ten, what kind of mark do you think you'd give?


Shackleton: Well, we finished the job on schedule, in fact, ahead of schedule in some respects, so I'd say that warranted a ten.


Crayfish: I meant in terms of sales.


Shackleton: Ah. Less than ten.


Crayfish: Nine? Eight?


Shackleton: One. Maybe. Maybe less.


Crayfish: Holy crap. That doesn't sound so good?


Shackleton: No, it doesn't. But at least it gives us something to improve on. Seriously, Eldon, if you get to the stage where things can't get any better, then you're in trouble. We have plenty of scope for improvement.


Crayfish: Given these catastrophically embarrassing sales figures....


Shackleton: I didn't use that term.


Crayfish: I was extrapolating. Given the monumental calamity that these disastrous figures represent, is it possible that the company will need to downsize, or even fold all together?


Shackleton: Here at LMP Central Office, we feel that the figures represent a period of formative growth, with potential for greater actualisation in the sales performance over the coming period.


Crayfish: You can confirm that no employees will be losing their jobs?


Shackleton: Around the world, LMP has precisely one thousand employees. From Glasgow to Bandar Seri Begawan, and from Cape Town to here in San Francisco, the company is small, and yet it spans the globe. And I can confirm that every single one of those men and women are safe in their current position.


Crayfish: Sounds like they're all going to be made redundant.


Shackleton: LMP is about growth and innovation, bringing the best writing to the readers of the world in as entertaining a format as we possibly can. We have people working on haircutting apps and serial killer apps, we have the new Barney Thomson fragrance for men coming out in the New Year...


Crayfish: What's that called?


Shackleton: Well, that particular pigskin is still getting tossed around the playing fields of the marketing department, but we're keeping an eye on it to make sure that no one drops the bottle.


Crayfish: What other sorts of items and strategies are we likely to see in the future?


Shackleton: 2011 promises to be pretty big. We've got the new Barney Thomson range of designer menswear, the new Barney Thomson breakfast cereal, to help spread the Barney word to the younger audience, and of course, we're hoping that Barney is going to be made The Official Serial Killer to the London 2012 Olympics. That one looks like it's going down to the wire.


Crayfish: Thank you for your time.


Shackleton: You're welcome. Have a nice day.

Comment from EMM at 17:41 on 16 November 2010.
I can't wait!

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