the state of things

 

Man, 46, Changes Light Bulb

by LMP Beat Reporter, Eldon Crayfish - 17:01 on 25 February 2011

Details are emerging of astonishing scenes here in the west country yesterday afternoon when a 46 year-old former civil servant apparently changed a light bulb in his Peugeot 307, without taking the aforementioned vehicle into Halfords and getting "a man to do it for him".


Lewis K Durrant, spokesperson for the RAC, while not fully aware of all the details of this incredible event, was in no doubt about its significance. 'The word hero is bandied about far too much these days,' he said from RAC HQ in Milton Keynes, 'but I can think of no other word to describe this man. He not only saved his family from certain death, but protected other drivers too. This man is without doubt a light bulb hero, and at this stage we can only back calls for a plaque to be erected in his honour.'


Although no journalists were present at the time, and so the facts remain unconfirmed, initial reports suggest that the bulb was the main rear light on the left. Passers-by, several of whom had to be taken to hospital with suspected shock and awe, suggested that not only had the man changed the light bulb, but that before that he had been required to:

  • unclip a plastic panel
  • unscrew a couple of plastic bolts
  • remove the outer light casing
  • unclip the plastic thing holding the lights

It was the last of these which proved most treacherous, with reports suggesting that the man nearly hurt his finger.


As further details of the story leaked out, it emerged that the whole operation was put in doubt early on when the man inadvertently undertook the full process, but on the wrong side of the car. While some commentators put this down to rank stupidity, others were quick to point out that 'there are like a really huge amount of bulbs on a car and stuff, and it can get confusing.'


Earlier today questions were asked in parliament about why the government had refused to get involved. 'It is absolutely scandalous,' said the Leader of the Opposition, 'that anyone should have to do anything for themselves. If the last Labour government achieved anything in this country, it was doing away with the absurd notion of personal responsibility. It can only be hoped that the Light Bulb Hero now sues the government for everything they've got. Which admittedly isn't very much, thanks to us.'


Reports indicate that while the Light Bulb Hero has gone into hiding, he is already thinking about turning his attention and remarkable talents to securing peace in the Middle East. Durrant, at least, is not surprised. 'After the light bulb miracle, you have to ask yourself, is there anything this man cannot do?'


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