the state of things

 

The Fall 2013 Collection

by Elvis Shackleton - 17:32 on 11 October 2013

The Nobel Prize for Literature has been announced, everyone's talking about the Booker shortlist, October's Super Thursday - when all major UK publishers announce their celebrity Christmas biographies and TV tie-in cookbooks - has come and gone, the longlist for the Nike Just Write It Pulp Fiction award has been published, the nominations for Lidl Customers Crime Fiction Book Of The Month are in, and nowhere amongst any of it will you find the name of Douglas Lindsay.

Some commentators suggest that this is the reason Lindsay is currently believed to be living in a cave by the Hielongjiang river in northern China, eating spiders and berries, and existing on barely the merest internet access. Others claim that Lindsay left the region some months ago, and is currently leading the life of a goat farmer in sub-tropical Peru. Either way, it seems the pressures of being at once the principal literary giant of his day, yet completely ignored by the establishment, the public and, more often than not, his own kids, has driven Lindsay to become a virtual recluse.

It is unclear at this stage if anything will tempt him back, however the good news for the fan of Lindsay is that there are several books whose imminent publication will keep her happy, and which look poised to set the literary world on fire with a blaze of awesomeness.

The autumn and early winter of 2013 will see the release of the following:

A PLAGUE OF CROWS

The follow-up to 2012's The Unburied Dead

The Plague Of Crows plants his victims in a forest clearing, bound to chairs embedded in the ground. In a Grand Guignol of horror, the lucky ones die quickly, the tops of their skulls missing, birds feeding on the flesh inside.
Detective Sergeant Thomas Hutton lives on the side of a Scottish mountain, only coming down for weekly psychiatric sessions in town. But this new serial killer forces Hutton to end his sick leave and return to duty in Glasgow.
As the months pass and the police remain clueless in the face of the horrors perpetrated by the most inhuman killer of his time, Hutton finds himself haunted by his past and plummeting further and further into a desperate world of sex, alcohol and guilt. And while he has no idea where to look for the Plague of Crows, the killer knows exactly where to find him…

A ROOM WITH NO NATURAL LIGHT

The long-awaited romantic drama that critics are already calling 'another book by the guy who wrote those earlier books.'

Set in a vineyard in the south-west of England, taciturn Pitt, the winemaker, cares for little other than the vines, his grapes, and the wines they produce each year. Then the mysterious Yuan Xue arrives to transform the kitchen.

There is more to Xue than the silent presence at the kitchen stove. Pitt is captivated. But the birds are dying, Pitt's wife remains an awkward presence, and in the corner sits the malevolent Cromwell, taking in everything, and understanding more than she lets on.

KIDS, AND WHY YOU SHOULDN'T EAT MORE THAN ONE FOR BREAKFAST

For years Lindsay wrote about his kids. When they were younger, that is, and used to do stuff that was funny. Now that they're teenagers and don't amuse him anymore, he's more or less stopped. Kids, And Why You Shouldn't Eat More Than One For Breakfast takes us back to those halcyon days when Lindsay was widely regarded as the 'most hilarious bloke on earth writing about kids being funny.' Includes such side-splitting anecdotes as:

Pint-Sized Sporting Junkies Go Native
It's All In The Mallet
When They're Passing Round The Coffee And The Pumpkin Pie
We Come At Last To The Great Faecal Examination Of Our Times &
Dead Cat


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