the state of things

 

A PLAGUE OF CROWS Out 25th October 2013

by Elvis Shackleton - 11:18 on 15 October 2013

Digital uber-publishers Blasted Heath, in association with author Douglas Lindsay, the Co-Operative Funeral Services (Good with Death) and the UK Government's Ministry of Traditional Book Burning, today announced that forthcoming crime mystery digital blockbuster A PLAGUE OF CROWS will be published on 25th October 2013.

As the news was announced, crowds gathered in Trafalgar Square to celebrate, cannons were let off around the country, and beacons were lit on mountain-tops throughout the land to spread the word of publication of the book that some critics are already calling, "the most momentous work of literature ever published in all time."

The Prime Minister immediately called a meeting of the infamous COBRA committee, as the government put plans in place to deal with the outbreak of celebratory panic which is expected to engulf the nation. Political pundits are also predicting that once the book is released, and 25 million individuals download the title in the first twenty-four hours, the country will grind to a halt as the nation settles in for the long read. Commentators worry that this will be the moment when Britain is most vulnerable to invasion.

"It could be the chance the Germans have been waiting for," says Professor Malcolm Connery, of the Glasgow Institute of Historical Inaccuracy. "Or the Vikings. Or the Visigoths. No one knows. But it is times like these, when the nation is swept up in an orgy of delirious book-lust, that invaders from across the water start to eye up our disused coal mines, our litter-strewn streets and the M25 and see nothing but rich pickings."

Lindsay, who has spent the past six months in exile by the banks of the Heilongjiang river in northern China, is expected to make a triumphant return to the country in the next few days, whereupon he will embark on a world tour of Britain, opening supermarkets, meeting local celebrities and appearing on television over seven hundred times in five days.


Add your comment

Your Name


Your Email (only if you are happy to have it on the site)


Your Comment - no HTML or weblinks


Enter this number in the box below and click Send - why?Unfortunately we have to do this to prevent the system being swamped by automated spam

 
Please note that whenever you submit something which may be publicly shown on a website you should take care not to make any statements which could be considered defamatory to any person or organisation.
site map | cookie policy | privacy policy