the state of things

 

Excitement Grows As Plague Of Crows Gets Nearer

by Elvis Shackleton - 10:01 on 16 October 2013

Excitement continued to mount in the world of publishing this morning, as the release date for all-new DS Thomas Hutton thriller A PLAGUE OF CROWS got one day nearer, and the markets around the world buzzed and hummed with the expectation of the most dazzling upswing in consumer and business confidence in the last 100 years.

'This is going to be like the Bible times a thousand,' said one NYSE insider, who did not want to be named, as using the Bible in a non-religious context is now punishable by stoning in most states of America. 'This thing is literally going to explode over the entire world, like a giant squeezable bottle of ketchup being squeezed by a giant baby. A Plague of Crows will splurge everywhere and no one will be able to escape its awesomeness.'

'People talk about seismic events in the world of creative arts,' says Professor Malcolm Connery, of the Glasgow Institute of Special Things, 'but I doubt any of us have known anything like this. Imagine they got Jesus to play James Bond, and then integrated it into the next Star Wars movie and combined it with Lord Of The Rings 4, and it turned out Elvis wasn't dead and he played Gandalf, and then you multiplied it by Harry Potter 8 squared. Only then can you start to imagine where we might be with the release of Plague of Crows.'

Yet, while the world holds its breath, and civilisation stands on the brink of a new golden age, there are some who are questioning whether it's right to expect quite as much from A Plague Of Crows as many are expecting. 'All his other books have been shite,' said Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls, 46, 'so let's not get carried away. Frankly we're all doomed, society is going to crash and burn, and within a few months we'll all be eating cockroaches and bathing in plutonium-contaminated ice water.'

A Plague Of Crows will be available for download on 25th October 2013. Until then readers are advised to go into cryogenic stasis.


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