The Solomon Grundys

Added on 13 November 2008

Do you ever watch a documentary on tv about some sort of weird lifeform somewhere on the planet and say to your partner, you know Agnes, evolution just doesn’t cover that...?

Apes to men is one thing, that seems straightforward enough. But a giant flower that sucks beetles inside it by releasing a foul stench, then creates a waxy wall inside the huge petal so they can’t climb back out, but then doesn’t eat them. It holds them there all the next day, then the following evening covers them in pollen, changes the texture of its petal to rough thereby allowing them to climb out, and lets them escape so that they can spread the pollen.

That’s just too bizarre to have evolved.

I like the concept of intelligent design, but before anyone starts panicking and thinking, oh for God’s sake, he’ll be quoting the Bible next, I don’t mean intelligent design as a euphemism for creationism. I’m thinking intelligent design by someone along the lines of Slartibartfast. That, as an explanation for all the weird shit you get on the planet, is much more convincing than either evolution or God.

Of course, it doesn’t explain how much of the design isn’t actually that intelligent. Intelligent design by committee.

Having to take a break in the drive to be next year’s rock gods. The other half of the band is about to sail across the Atlantic. He leaves from the Canary Islands on Saturday, then hopefully arrives in Antigua in twelve to fourteen days, depending on the winds.

I’m just staying here. It’ll be pretty adventurous in Warsaw, I imagine.

So we’re still short of a few things on the long road to be rock behemoths. No band name, although that still seems a small matter. Quite liked the name The Solomon Grundys, however putting the name Solomon Grundy into MySpace reveals hundreds of unknown American bands called Solomon Grundy. Had a long discussion round the family dinner table the other night in search of a usable name. One of Two suggested The Boob Men. That more or less brought the conversation to an end.

Album artwork shouldn’t be too much trouble. I’ve been listening a lot to an album by blues non-legend Curtis Jones, The Blue Horizon Sessions. Inside there’s a picture of Curtis with his guitar and a sharp suit and the most incredible pair of cheap chic sunglasses. Off the scale cool. That’s the look we need.

Massive marketing campaign obviously, billboards, tv slots, full page ads in every magazine, a Solomon Grundy scent for women etc. Shouldn’t be a problem, pretty much takes care of itself.

That just leaves the music.

There is a small issue with the music. Obviously the previous paragraph about marketing is a complete fib. There’s no marketing budget. So, do we produce a cd for our own benefit to hand round to friends and just to have sitting there in a cd rack? Or do we spend our studio time producing fewer songs to a better level, and try to actively sell the product?

There’s a lot of successful terrible music out there, after all, and there’s no reason why we can’t be just as bad as everybody else.