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In The Name of Fuck

18 May 2011

Can't help but notice that on the days when I put the word fuck in a blog heading I get more readers. All right, yesterday I used the word fuckbucketing, but it's a fairly clear derivative. No one looks at fuckbucketing and thinks, hmm, nice word, and clean...


The time has come for the word fuck. The time is now. It's going mainstream. We're maybe a few years away from the Queen using it in her Christmas message - One must say that it's been an absolute fucking beezer of a year, by the way - but through the medium of popular culture and television it's breaking free from the constraints of censorship and last year's moral indignation.


From Go The Fuck To Sleep to Cee Lo's magnificent Fuck You it's all over the place. Fuck is the zeitgeist, rather neatly given free reign in this short from fellow Scottish crime writer Al Guthrie.


Yet it won't last, it's happening so fast that one must grab the moment. Soon enough it will be passé to use the word fuck, and then it will just be mainstream. Just another word.


Fuck's moment is right now. So, after a hastily assembled meeting here at Long Midnight Publishing's HQ in Bandar Sera Begawan we've decided to grab the fucking moment by the testicles, and will be renaming the entire Barney Thomson series in order to seize the day. Carpe fucking diem, 'n all that.


As from next week the seven novels in the crime series will be entitled:


The Long Fucking Midnight of Barney Thomson


The Barber Fucker's Hairshirt


A Prayer For Barney Fucking Thomson


The King Was In His Fucking House


The Last Fish Fucker


The Fucking of Barney Thomson


The Final Fuck


The three novellas will be entitled:


The End of Fucking Days


Barney Thomson & The Face of Fuck


The Wormfuck Code


And all general Barney Thomson leftovers will be hoovered up into one volume entitled:


Barney Thomson Ate My Fucking Hamster


The future is bright, the future is fuck.


[As I wrote that I was listening to Firework by Katy Perry. "After a hurricane comes a rainbow..." What the fuck? That's supposed to inspire someone and make them feel better? After your house has been blown away, your town's in ruins and your family's been killed, it's all right because there are some colours in the sky? Three minute pop songs about how everything's going to be fine, because it just is, are fucking stupid.]

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