"Nothing To Say" Author Nears Full Week Of Silence

Added on 30 March 2009

As international blogging supremo, Douglas Lindsay, 61, nears the end of seven days when he has had, apparently, nothing to say, Blog Expert Elvis Shackleton discusses the likely truth behind some of the rumours surrounding this extraordinary web event.

Once held up as the Blogging Super-Genius of our times, bestselling crime author Douglas Lindsay has this past week stunned fans by descending into silence. And the weird thing is, no one knows why. Even here, at the personal website of the celebrity wordsmith, we have no idea what lies behind this bizarre silence. Rumours are everywhere, and to quote the Bard from Henry IV Part 2... Rumour is a pipe blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures, and of so easy and so plain a stop that the blunt monster with uncounted heads, the still-discordant wavering multitude, can play upon it... taking the words out of the mouths of so many.

So just what are they saying in hyperspace about this incredible turn of events? We examine the top 5 most blogged about suggestions for why Lindsay has disappeared off the face of the blogisphere. And we'll start with the most easily dismissed.

5. He is dead. Not so. As Lindsay himself said last week, "I'm not dead, I'm in Poland. Admittedly sometimes it's hard to tell the difference." Likelihood indicator: 0/5

4. He is being held captive by MI6 for his part in producing the satirical novel, Lost in Juarez. This one has a lot of credence. Since its release last August, Lost in Juarez has grown into the kind of cult, satirical anti-establishment novel that governments hate. Despite being a work of fiction, the book hits so close to home, that it was only a matter of time before the security services noticed and Lindsay got into serious trouble. 3.5/5

3. He has been kidnapped by aliens. This has happened so many times in the past to Lindsay that it cannot be discounted. 4.5/5

2. He is planning some new, even more explosive blog, set to take the world by storm in the coming weeks. This is what the fans are hoping for, and since it would have an inevitably beneficial effect on the world's markets, the chances are that most governments are hoping for this one too. Apart, potentially, from the British government (see no.4). 2/5

1. He is cataclysmically burned out.  Some bloggers are saying that Lindsay is so completely washed out that he can barely type his name when he sits at the computer. They point to lacklustre blogs of the last few months and the fact that his recent books have been complete mince. While this ignores the devastating satire of Lost in Juarez, proponents of this rumour go one stage further to suggest that it wasn't Lindsay who wrote Juarez, but Bob Dylan. 1/5

No one knows the truth at this stage. But as tens of thousands of people marched through London this weekend protesting Lindsay's absence from the world stage, one thing remained clear. Not until he has broken his near week-long silence will the rumours finally die away.